Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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