so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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