the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
