remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
This couple is walking their pig around campus
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
