Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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