I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Say something about gay babies.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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