boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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