i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
