My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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