hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
