woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
No subtext here. People are naked.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
