we have pet lesbian snakes
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
