perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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