So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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