separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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