I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
