I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
