She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
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