meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
