I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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