there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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