why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
