I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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