No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
