i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
