her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
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