ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
