Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
