I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
