Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
