You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize