Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
