when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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