even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
