I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Randomize