Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I said "one day" and that day is not today
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
