You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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