he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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