either way he was missing a nipple.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
