He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
