omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
