So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
