butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
