I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
