Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i believe in u and ur pee
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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