I wish my penis had an off switch
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
