Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
