Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
