Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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