Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
