Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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