I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
