just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
