dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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