the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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