I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
