I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
