Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
