Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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