did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
