He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
