I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
