why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
