There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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